I have to believe Jesus gives us trials to make us rely on our faith and to believe in Jesus and his love for us we'll get thru it with his grace and this too shall pass and we will have joy on the other side...🙂

KarenJon - so sorry u r having such a hard time. My liver didnt like MTX either but I was bless to recover after I stopped taking it. Since getting RA I have had quite a few illnesses or health scares which has left me feeling like something else is going to go wrong. To overcome this I am trying very hard to turn to my faith so I can have more of a positive outlook. Started Paxil again a few days ago and already feel less anxious. The unknown is always scary but trusting that God is in control helps me to find peace. I hope your surgery goes well ❤️

I hear you and can relate, my RA diagnosed about 4 yrs ago...Meditrexate messed-up my liver to where it took months and a liver biopsy to be cleared before I could have an infusion, March 20th of this year I had my infusion, I felt very good going in minutes before it was finished everything went south and I was taken across the street to the ER, I was in closer to death and the Dr wanted to know if I coded did I want to be resistance my daughter said yes, I also had a severe UTI that was septis spent 4days in hospital left with antibiotics. A month and half later found unconscious on my floor and ambulance ride ensued , First of June a replay 4 days in hospital sent home with antibiotic for continued UTI. July 5th again a replay I don't remember anything from any of them, Still an UTI different hospital,,they didn't give me any bloodpressure med they said that it had tanked been fine since was feeling really good tripped over my neighbors dog lead which she left across the walk more terrible pain am waiting for surgery on 17th of November 3 days after I turn 80. What's next!

Ester&Becky thanks for replying! This disease takes its toll on every aspect of our lives. I used to cook huge meals, have big family gatherings and go all out decorating and making special things. I end up ordering platters now. My oldest daughter does everything I used to do which is so nice to see but also heartbreaking that I just cant do it. Its definitely a struggle to stay positive when there's so much you want to do but cant. I went clothes shopping yesterday. Years of prednisone, paxil & being unable to be active have taken its toll. It was hard not to breakdown in the dressing room. Bad enough when u feel like crap but looking like crap makes it worse. I also speak to a counselor each month. I started speaking to here years before I got RA when my mom got sick and ended up passing so she knows how I was prior to RA. She helps me a lot. I was always the one who was helping others so its hard to be the one needing help. I was stubborn for a long time and wouldnt let anyone help me but I've learned that sometimes I have to. Carrying a heavy bag of groceries or a basket of laundry can cause days of pain so I've learned to ask for help. Still sux. My heart breaks for the young people suffering from this. Trying to raise young children when u have this must be awful. I hope u all have a pain-free happy day today! ❤️

I think just being human can be depressing much less for all people that are sick or hurting physically..so many people hurting..from all kinds of loss..and I know you are grateful it's not worse..but we want to be better..it's most hard on us that had it all(so to speak) I wish all of humanity wasn't sick.. there is a new normal with ra.. there's also a new normal with just getting old.. it's just a growing up time that is bound to come to all of us..I can honestly say that I'm not really even happy anymore.. but that's okay in a lot of ways growing up makes us a better human being.. . and I also have joy throughout the day.. and I'm pissy a lot and I worry too much but you're right this pain just fkn sucks.. most days I just ask God to help me feel good enough! i have been on trazodone for a few years now.. originally it was to sleep but it also helped with depression.. I felt a difference within 3 days of starting it.. 50 mg at night.. also if I get in a bad way pain wise I have a friend that tosses me a couple of hydrocodone.. and when the pain eases up I could just cry.. not just for the relief but for having a friend that can see my pain and knows I need relief.. try to focus on what I can do.. and try not to think too much about what I can't do because yes it's depressing.. so for today what can I do? And that's what I do!.. thinking of you and praying for you!