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Has Anyone's Spouse/SO Ever Called Them "lazy" Due To This Disease? If So, How Do You Deal With It?

Has Anyone's Spouse/SO Ever Called Them "lazy" Due To This Disease? If So, How Do You Deal With It?

Whenever my husband and I have a disagreement, about anything to do with household chores or childcare, he resorts to calling me "lazy". I don't see myself as lazy. I care for our two girls (one of whom has a rare genetic AutoInflammatory disease) everyday. I fix them breakfast, lunches, get them ready for school, drive the younger one into town for preschool (we live 12 miles from town), hangout in my car until she's done or do some grocery shopping, drive her to dance, then we go home to… read more

A myRAteam Member said:

I used a more subtle approach and was surprised at what happened. Every few days I write a to do list which has my name at the top of it and leave it on our counter near the phone. As I do my chores, I put a line thru each one. Even if I get all of them done, I leave the list there until the next day. Some days, I will purposely leave a few undone. After a few times of doing this, I noticed that my husband was doing the ones I had not put a line through. Amazing! :)

posted over 6 years ago
A myRAteam Member said:

There are videos on YouTube that explain and show the damage of RD show him and tell him to FU*K OFF (sorry if that offends anyone). But seriously what makes him so great he can't fold laundry?
Because he works? Big deal he also made a promise to take care of his family and obviously he is not doing a bang up job.
Tell him to stop acting like a jerk and live up to his vows.
Ask him why he think you have to take all those meds for if you're making it up.
Makes me angry when people try to use this disease against us!

posted over 6 years ago
A myRAteam Member said:

Oh my goodness. If anyone of us fell off a bridge tomorrow, God forbid, our husband's, wives or partners would most likely implode when they realize what we actually do on a day to day basis to keep our households functioning. This is sad but a realism. They don't have RA. They may never come to try to or have the ability to understand our pain and everyday struggles. More so, they do not understand that we ourselves hold guilt at our inability to do things the way we would like to be able to do them.

I am most certain, that most all of us with RA do to the best of our abilities given our medical situations. If a spouse or partner does not possess the ability to realize this, it is their issue and not yours. Perhaps you should suggest that they pitch in more to make up for what they may gleen as lacking in the household.

A lack of empathy for our situation by our other halves is a learned thing. They are this way for a reason. But in no way should you feel badly by what you no longer can do given what you already do. If they do berate you, are unable to be sympathetic to your plight, please remind them that they too can "locate their sac" and give a helping hand. And if that doesn't work, remind them where all the exits are in your home. They can choose any one of them to kindly leave to never find any wife, mother, caretaker, roommate or life partner better than you. Be sure to say "God Bless you and help you" if they leave. They will need all the help the Lord can give them when they do.

posted over 6 years ago
A myRAteam Member said:

I am sorry you are going through this. I have RA diagnosed 2011. I have had multiple surgeries, been on a few dmards, methotrexate, currently Orencia. All of the meds have side effects and being tired is part of the disease. Your husband reminds me of my ex, he could not handle me being sick. He said I was lazy and didn't take care of the house like I used to. He was right I was not able to do it all like I used to, my energy level just is not there. I work full time care for my 2 kids and try to stay optimistic. You need to make sure you ask for help when needed, your body has a shut off switch and with RA it is much sooner than most. You sound like you are doing what a great mother wife should be doing. I could not get my husband to understand the pain and what I was going through every day, I had to leave. Do your best to get him to read about your illness to understand what you truly face everyday, he can not read your mind so be honest from the heart and if he loves you he will at least try to understand. I have learned through this illness that the only person I can control is myself and live for my girls by setting a positive example! Which I think you are doing, good luck!

edited, originally posted over 6 years ago
A myRAteam Member said:

My husband doesnt call me names but by his attitude he may as well ... 15 yrs im still dealing with my family not understanding ... make a list of all you do put on the fridge some where he can see it ... have him read about you conditions how all of these cause fatigue and when you over work your self it makes it worse .... my ra dr suggested counseling

posted over 6 years ago
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